Breaking the Cycle

I am caught in turbulent water,
thrown against rocks –
Panic rising:
Will I get hurt this time?
Will I escape?
Will I choose something different,
or drown in the same cycle again?

The current pulls me under,
again and again –
proving, performing, trying to show
I am worthy of being here.

The same waters, the same rocks –
they return until I learn.
Sometimes these aren’t even mine –
cycles passed down through generations,
waiting for someone to finally break them.

Until –
I see it: a choice.
Stillness.

The voice – the sly one, dressed as fear
takes over, masking behind persuasiveness.
Before I realize, I feel defeated.
I’m caught in my pattern.
I recognize the cycle.

The frustration rises.
I’m drowning again.
But then, I pray for help and surrender.
“Please help.
Help me be gentle with myself.”

And I feel it –
the courage to move on.

Again,
the rocks,
the panic,
the realization:
a choice.

This time, I pray.
I stay in the presence.
I ask my inner wisdom to guide me.
I trust.

And I choose what wisdom shows me.

Then –
a fresh breeze.
Sunrise filtering through leaves,
golden and simple.
Birds singing.
The smell of damp earth.
I feel safe.
At Peace.

The forest holds me gently.
I am no longer proving, performing, drowning.
I am simply here.

I have chosen differently.