Tag: silence

Your Heart Already Knows

It was back in sixth grade when I was learning to ride a bicycle. Every night after 9 PM, my elder brother and the watchman from my dad’s hospital would try to teach me. Night after night, we practiced, but my fear wouldn’t let go. My brother, then in tenth grade, was growing increasingly frustrated with my hesitation.

One particular night, his patience finally ran out, and he yelled at me about my fear. We were both young – just children really – but something shifted in me that night. Angry at being scolded, I challenged him that I would ride the bicycle the next day without any help.

That’s when something strange happened. Even as I went to bed that night, I had this inexplicable knowing – a quiet certainty that I would indeed ride that bicycle the next morning.

I woke up early, around 5 AM, and wheeled the cycle out by 5:30. Chennai’s roads would soon be filled with traffic, but in that early morning quiet, it was just me and my bicycle. I fell a few times, but that inner knowing never wavered. And then it happened – I was riding on my own. The fear that had held me back for so long simply wasn’t there anymore. Later that morning, I even rode three kilometers to my friend’s house and back, navigating through the now-busy streets.

Looking back, what strikes me most isn’t the achievement of learning to cycle – it’s that moment of absolute certainty I had the night before. It was as if something within me already knew what was possible, even before it happened.

Throughout my life, I’ve experienced this same knowing many times – this quiet certainty that comes not from ego or ambition, but from somewhere deeper. Each time I’ve felt it, I’ve found myself accomplishing exactly what I set out to do.

But here’s what I’ve come to understand – this isn’t something special about me. It’s a gift we all carry within us: that deep knowing that we’re taken care of, that all is well. This understanding has carried me through many of life’s challenges, gently reminding me to trust in something larger than myself – in the boundless possibilities that life offers, often beyond our understanding.

Have you ever experienced this kind of knowing? That quiet certainty that comes not from planning or logic, but from somewhere deeper within?

Finding Myself in Silence

For years, I struggled with depression and a deep sense of loneliness. I attributed my discomfort in large groups to my traumatic childhood, believing this was the sole reason I felt so disconnected when others seemed energized by company. Others would comment on my reserved nature, making me question if something was wrong with me.

I had always been someone who could spend hours simply gazing at nature. While others found it odd, I found complete peace in these quiet moments with trees, birds, and the sky. I confused this natural inclination for solitude with depression, thinking perhaps I just wasn’t interested enough in being sociable. Yet paradoxically, I felt deeply lonely – a contradiction that tore at me. How could I both cherish solitude and yearn for connection?

Living with depression was like carrying a heavy burden – the pain, the confusion about who I was, the thoughts that wouldn’t leave me alone. To escape all of this, I often filled my moments with noise – television shows playing continuously, many podcasts one after another. Anything to avoid sitting with the silence and my own thoughts.

Then came a time when something shifted through my meditation practices and the guidance of my Spiritual Teacher. I chose to step away from these distractions and simply be with myself and our Creator, moving through household tasks in quiet presence.

In this gentle time alone, I discovered something beautiful.

There’s a depth in silence with our Creator that nothing else can match. As the usual busyness fell away, a new clarity emerged. The mental fog that often clouds our days lifted, and my heart found its way more naturally to prayer and presence.

Sadness visited too, in a way I hadn’t experienced before. But this time, I stayed with it differently – sharing openly with our Creator. My prayers became deeper, more heartfelt, asking for help with forgiveness, both to forgive and be forgiven.

Through these prayers and silence, I began to understand something profound – the recognition that living like a hermit, even while surrounded by family, can be a blessing when lived in devotion. In this quiet space, I found myself speaking less and listening more. The usual pull toward reactions softened, making it easier to turn toward divine love instead.

In these moments, I felt myself again – perhaps for the first time in lifetimes. It was different from anything I’ve known in this life. This feeling goes beyond belonging to a group or finding people who understand you.

I’ve finally accepted something about myself: I am someone who finds deeper connection in quieter ways. This love for solitude isn’t something to fix or change – it’s simply who I am. What matters isn’t the number of connections, but the ability to be fully myself, even if it’s with just one kindred spirit.